2022 is about to end. At first I planned to write a semester summary. I thought about it and decided I might as well write a year-end summary for the whole year.
Mindset
This year's psychological change was huge. The first half I gave up on myself; the second half I found hope again and changed myself. But I don't want to rewind. Once I pass a node, I throw everything before it behind me. I originally wanted to at least write down the key that made me change, but then I thought, the motive for picking up that key already seemed to exist in my thinking. It can't be traced. I went through some dark times. Luckily I have already climbed out of the bottom. Mentally I'm more open, more willing to take in new things. I remember when I first started university I was afraid of both difficulty and new things. When I hit difficulty there was always an impulse to run. When you feel every step is hard, that's when you have to change yourself.
Studies
First half of the year, running away. Second half, facing the difficulty. It's still not perfect, there's a lot of room to improve, but I believe I am getting better. Next year's theme should be the graduate-school exam. I hope I can lay a solid disciplinary foundation this year, and keep dropping my bad habits. Be more focused. Put more thought in. Throw myself into it fully.
Social
In the second half of the semester I was bolder with people. I would go up to some people and talk with them. As I talked and spent time with more and more people, I felt my mind getting more mature, and I handled relationships more decently. When I contact others I also reflect on where I did it wrong: sometimes too enthusiastic, sometimes too cold, sometimes I didn't manage my emotions. Thinking that, I go, ah, thanks everyone for being so tolerant, I'll keep improving. My face also got thicker. I wrote emails to paper authors asking about code, asked about graduate admissions, asked seniors about the lab, and so on. Putting myself in others' shoes, I think as long as you stay sincere and polite, stay grateful, then just ask, openly. If you get refused, no need to lose heart, because not everyone has an obligation to answer your questions. Thank them and then think of another way.
Feelings
No progress yet, but I feel more mature and more rational than a year ago. Keep growing like this. The people who are meant to meet will meet.
Life
This year, if something interested me, I would try it, become a participant (Stable Diffusion, ChatGPT, Linux) instead of just a bystander, and then feel what I actually felt facing those things. Overall, playing with these made me very happy. After ranging widely, the next step is actually concentrating time and energy on one point. Focused and determined. I became more considerate of family, more understanding of family, more loving of family. Thank you to my family for still loving me selflessly when I was at my worst. I won't let them down. External environment: this year a lot of unbelievable things happened in society. I already don't know what to say. I just tell myself not to forget, then focus on what I'm doing. That's how you change your situation and take care of family.
Reading
I read about 20 books this year, roughly half of last year. Mostly during winter and summer break. Around midterms in the first half I read most of Zhang Weiying's Principles of Economics, then after midterms in the second half I read Linus's autobiography Just for Fun. I basically finished Murakami except the travel writing, and reread all of Wang Xiaobo (I'd started last year, finished this year). I read a lot of blogs. The one most worth mentioning is Huo Ju's. I learned a lot from it.
Writing
This year I wrote a short story and even posted it on a WeChat official account. Putting it on Moments counted as the first time I made my writing public. In October I wrote another one but didn't finish it, and then there's this year-end summary. I hope later I do more deep thinking and then produce content. Not forcing it though, because the center of gravity really should be elsewhere.
Cyberpunk
Cyberpunk is also worth mentioning. In summer I saw a game whose protagonist is a cat, Stray. It looked interesting so I bought it and played. I went from morning to afternoon in one go and finished in eight hours. After playing the whole thing, what interested me most wasn't the cat stuff anymore, but the social background of the game. The cat is in a cyberpunk world. To some degree I feel the things that happen in a cyberpunk world are also happening now. That pulled me in. Then I traced it back: Scarlett Johansson in Ghost in the Shell plus the anime, finished Cyberpunk: Edgerunners in two days, and so on. Next I still plan to read classic cyberpunk novels like Neuromancer. Maybe if I get the chance I'll dye my hair blue hahaha.
Documentaries
It was actually through documentaries that I got to know two great people. In the first half, from Huo Ju's blog I learned about Aaron Swartz. One day on a whim I watched his documentary The Internet's Own Boy, and then I was hooked. He was someone with lofty ideals. "He is the Internet's own boy, and the old world killed him." Another person is Eliud Kipchoge. Very inspiring. Around midterms I watched the same video clip about him every day to pump myself up. Every marathon is like grabbing branch after branch to climb a tree. You have to go step by step to get an experience you've never had, to keep breaking through yourself. Because my talent is ordinary, I have to endure pain to learn anything. I really believe that. Life is a marathon, in every sense.
Events
In the second half I volunteered at the offline 2022 Open Source Annual Conference hosted by Kaiyuanshe. I had a great time, even made friends. But if I have to say the biggest gain, it was the experience of coordinating time. This conference was the day before the electromagnetics midterm. Before, I wouldn't have gone. But I still didn't give up, crammed electromagnetics, and in the end the midterm wasn't bad. The most wrong thing I did at the event: as a volunteer I went to coordinate with a participant who was maybe in his forties. The moment he saw me he put out his hand to shake mine. I was a bit surprised, didn't shake, just started talking about the event. His hand paused and he pulled it back himself... That's the most impolite thing I think I've done. There won't be a next time :crying_cat_face: . Can't give up. Go participate, go experience.
Ending
Anyway, 2022 is over, 2023 is coming. I firmly believe I will keep getting better. I will stay kind, keep seeing my flaws and improving myself. So I hope next year I can go further in professional knowledge, and grow a bit faster mentally at the same time. Next year's theme should be the graduate-school exam. I hope on December 31, 2023, when I write the year-end summary and look back, I can let out a satisfied long breath. After Messi won the World Cup, commentator He Wei said: "Any fate, however complex and long, actually reflects in only one instant: the instant people thoroughly understand who they really are." I want to get that instant from experience.